Mileage will vary.
I reckon families are going to be different on this, but my family are repressed and conservative and uncommunicative at the best of times, and nothing will change that now. I will no longer darken the door of their church, but do I fear a lynch mob? No. That said, maybe there are a few facebook posts of CS Lewis quotes from people I knew in my (church) school that are aimed at me by who are now too distant to comment, but in the sincerity and goodness of their hearts think that I might be confronted with their truth and repent. That's a big and common assumption: that the non-believer doesn't understand. It's not easy to think someone who disagrees with any view we hold, especially things as personal as religious views, has rejected it and fully understands it. If we see the other side as reasonable, then we can't treat them as an opponent quite so easily.
I didn't really ever fear a lynch mob -- not from my family who, as I said, aren't great at communicating at the best of times. (Maybe that's worse. People who are open and real - positive or negative - you know where you stand with them.) Still there's undeniably much tension. The fear prior to saying "I'm a non-believer, and I'm no longer part of the church" is overwhelming even though I knew there might not be any immediate tangible consequence. It's extraordinary hard to push through that, but truly, motivating quotes on Instagram or Pinterest can go a long way to convincing you that the plunge has to be taken at some point. Regardless of the lack of a proper confrontation, something changes in families I these moments. At a funeral -- and my grandmother in her 90s is growing ever more frail -- I won't be able to say "she's gone to be with the Lord". At a wedding I can't agree with the sentiment that a deity is going to "bless this union". And so there's this chasm, this unending tension between the people who think a supernatural being is listening to them when they mechanically say a prayer before a meal, and those who keep silent. And no one talks about it. It's uncomfortable.
There's a lot of good YouTubers and resources that atheists can use to point to religious believers and say "look! you're misunderstanding me! listen to this explanation of how you've got me all wrong!" but in my case... no one is going to talk about it. One conversation is enough to suggest that Stephen is too reliant on human understanding (wait... is there an alternative?) and can't be talked to, so that's that. And really, I'd love it if more people would ask good questions of what my reasons are, but they won't. Actually listening to the other side is not a religious trait. That's the hope and encouragement I'd give to many closeted non-believers. Look, religious friends and family might not prod you much about your loss of faith at all. They'll make assumption that y'all just wanna sin, or that you never really believed, and keep it to themselves. Wanting to understand you is not part of the deal. The Bible already tells them "the fool says in his heart there is no God" and to see you (or me) as not a fool means giving up the belief in the accuracy of the Bible. Psalm 10:4; Psalm 14:1, Psalm 53:1, Psalm 74:18 etc. Look those charming verses up if you want to be told you're wicked and foolish. And the opposite is Proverbs 3:5-6. Look that up if you want to be told that you shouldn't think for yourself. Which is obviously not foolish at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment